I read postings on popular internet websites as a way to learn about people and how they experience the world and interpret it in their postings. I seldom reply to postings. I did today to one.
(The original post with small redaction - to preserve the anonymity of the person who posted)
A Valid Explanation
I feel as though I have to explain why I am posting an ad to meet straight, white man if I am a gay male. We always need to explain everything in great detail and go through long hoops to accomplish small goals. Being gay I do not have an opportunity to socialize with straight, white men. People say [REDACTED] is not homophobic but trust me it is still quite homophobic. I do not rub my sexuality into the faces of people. I hardly ever go to gay events but if a man thinks I am gay I will be isolated. I will have to live with this stereotype for the rest of my life. All I am asking is to meet a normal, white man to have some discussions about life over tea/coffee. Maybe we can watch a movie go to an event together and have fun. You can even bring along your girlfriend or wife. Just because we have cold weather in [REDACTED] it does not mean that straight, white men should punish me for the rest of my life for being gay. My sexuality is just only one part of me. If you think you are man enough to respond send me a message. I will not send a picture to a stranger over the internet. I am serious about meeting but find it frustrating if a stranger ask me for photos. We can chat on the phone before I meet with you. I have missed out on opportunities simply because I am gay.
(My response to him)
One
Possible Explanation
Good
morning.
I
might be able to provide a valid explanation. About me first. I am
a a straight, white man. I am married and I have a kid. I am a
psychotherapist in training and I am struggling currently with a
gender neutral colleague.
As
a minority in the group, my colleague desires a recognition,
acceptance and equal status. To achieve this, they (this is the
correct way to address my colleague) use every opportunity to make a
political statement, "catch" a real or perceived omission
of recognition of their queerness and assign blame on members of the
group who addressed them or spoke to them in a way that was
in recognition of their different sexuality. A female
member of our group discussed in the group with them that due to the
political stance, the personal - human part of them is hidden
and inaccessible to her and to the group.The response of
this future therapist was shocking to me. They
said that there is no "other" part. "To
me everything is political" they said.
When
I was a younger man, I met at my university a stand up man who was
smart, with a great sense of humor and very good looking. We
became friends and we are still today. One day, he had a
few drinks more than usual and shared with me that he was gay. "I
have a great lover." he said. "He is smart, funny and
wealthy."
Then
he added "We have a lot of fun with him" and gulped another
shot and smiled at me. He did not ask me how I was feeling about
that. Nor he needed my permit or validation. We continued
to see each other as friends and never spoke about his or my sexual
orientation. I was chasing girls and he was having fun in
his own ways.
One
day, many years later, he was one of the most popular anchors in the
country, with his own show on TV. He (and several other popular gay
TV and radio personalities) got severely beaten simultaneously at the
same night on the street. The next morning my friend opened his
morning TV show with a swollen face and apologized to
the public for the way he looked.
"I
got beaten last night. I am in pain but I like what I do. So, I
decided to do the show this morning."
If
you feel that I provided a valid explanation, please let me know and we could continue this conversation.
