Lessons

Mise en scène

It’s time for P to play the game “I’ll teach you a lesson”. P positions me in front of the mirror and instructs me to take my clothes off. I am starting to do it. Not hurriedly, nor too slowly. Behind my back P urges me “the day’s beard is growing”. “Yeah, yeah…I know…” in my mind…

I'm naked. My clothes are on the floor around me in disarray. P takes the belt off the pants with a swift movement that produces a hissing sound. I know the next move of the game as well. P likes to fold the belt in two, bring both hands close and then quickly pull both ends of the belt apart to produce a slapping sound. 

I could feel the first lash even before it comes in the real world. This also is one of the aspects of the game. Like it is the mirror, P uses to observe my facial expressions.

At first, naturally, it is the pain. A level, I am able to pass quickly. There are ways to train and enhance pain tolerance threshold. I don’t like pain. I take a pill when I smell pain. Long before it becomes hard to manage thunderstorm in my brain. 

But, can I take pain? Watch me if you can.

The humiliation of being naked is a piece of cake in comparison. This level is easy. After all, everyone is an exhibitionist when it comes to expressing feelings and emotions. Even the neighbours could hear. But, then again, we could hear the same from the neighbours.

The hardest level to pass is that there are no rules. No particular number of lashes. No particular outcome expected. No pattern in frequency or number of the lessons. Kids play games but they play by certain rules real or invented on-the-go. How one plays a game with no rules? More importantly, how does one win if there is no “price” to be won?
At least from P's perspective.

I learn to appreciate fragments and moments, so I could win  

What are the elements that repeat? There is me, a mirror, belt, pain, humiliation, no rules and P. of course. Which and how every element, from P’s perspective makes the most sense?

I compose elements by importance. There are number of statistical variations to compose the elements by priority and by possible outcomes. No combination works.

There are, of course, verbal clues like “to break and remake”, “I do it so one day you will realize how much I love you” and, “beating never helped only the china on the shelf” but they do not make too much sense to me at this age.

Then, I assign equal (highest) value to all elements. This does not work either. I finally assign zero importance to all elements in the equation. Out of frustration that is. 

I find gold. None of the elements are more important or less important.
They have zero value. 

The plan

There are no rules. I create them.

1.    Nothing in the game has importance, unless I decide to assign a value. I choose the level of importance to every game element if I wish to do so.  

2.    The outcome is always the same - No outcome.

3.    I enter the game the same, I am the same during the game, I exit the game still the same.  

My rules, I am in control. I can win the game.

The works

I enter to learn a lesson. I take a lesson. I exit.

No indication if I need a lesson. No indication if I care about the lesson.

No indication if I am learning during the lesson.

No indication if I have learned my lesson or not.

Is there a point of teaching a lesson to the trunk of a tree?

Game over!